Fear is the Opposite of Faith

Garen and I are a few weeks out from celebrating our 31st wedding anniversary. We have literally been together MOST of our lives. And so the devil has decided to try something new.

In the last few months my mother-in-law has decided her legacy will be to destroy her son's marriage. She turned 80 and then she turned on me. Every conversation for the past few months, whether she calls Garen or Garen calls her, eventually turns to her spitefully and with such venom, telling Garen that I am ruining his life. Those words exactly. Ruining his life.

He always says, with such disbelief in his voice, "What are you talking about? She is the best thing that ever happened to me." The only example she is willing to give is that I speak to him so horribly. More horribly than she has ever heard anyone speak in her entire life.

He presses her for an example and she has said, multiple times, "Oh Garen! How can you not hear it? I have heard her say, 'Go sit down! I can do it! Probably better than you!' It breaks my heart she would speak to you like that. She is ruining your life and the lives of your children!"

Now in all honesty she is 100% correct that she has heard me say that to Garen many times. When we have family dinners Garen will always try to help serve, or clean up and so often I am grateful for the help. But there are times when I know that Garen has had a particularly hard week at work and is absolutely exhausted. Out of his love for me he is still up trying to help and I know how badly he needs to just sit down and relax. So I will tell him to go sit down. He will refuse until in exasperation I will say to him, "Go sit down Garen! I can totally do this." And then because we have a joking and loving relationship I will add on, "Probably better than you!" He will smile at me and go sit down.

The first few weeks of this attack caused me an inordinate amount of fear. Not that Garen would begin to believe his mother and leave me. I am very secure in my marriage and in the love my husband has for me. But I was afraid of two things. That her venom would spread throughout the family. And that she would have to stand before Jesus and explain this vicious behavior.

I can't get the image of my mother-in-law standing before Jesus and having to explain why she was perpetrating such evil in her family at the end of her life. I love her so much and I feel such dread when I think about what could happen.

Despite that very real fear, I am ashamed to say that I am finding it very difficult to pray for her anymore. I used to pray for her with such joy and love and now I struggle to find the words. Even as I remind myself that we battle not against flesh and blood, I struggle to see past the ugliness of her words to her battered and damaged soul. And I know that is my sin and it plays a big part in this spiritual attack because we are to pray without ceasing. The devil wants to disrupt my prayers and I have allowed that to happen.

So when I hear her say, I don't love her! - She's not my daughter! - She's not family! - She's ruining your life! - I will try to remember there is a soul at stake and to say the St. Michael prayer, to pray for these generational sins to be removed. I will pray for generational healing. I will pray for peace for my mother-in-law and for contentment - because I'm sure this is happening because she harbors such fear herself about being in the twilight of her life.

I know that my being transparent has really been difficult for her and has probably been the biggest reason she dislikes me so much right now. I know rationally that when she says to Garen, "she's ruining your life" what she most likely means is, "she's ruining MY life". Most of the issues that (a very few) family members have with me is all because I am not going to allow this dysfunction to continue to thrive in the dark. I will call it out and demand healing. And that will cause problems. Those not willing to come into the light will stay in the shadows and call out, "she's lying" "she's mentally ill and needs to be medicated" "she is just wanting to ruin everyone's life" "this is because she's on the spectrum" (insert MASSIVE eyeroll for THAT one).

But dysfunction can't survive in the light of God. Garen and I both come from incredibly dysfunctional families. We have created our own share of dysfunction within OUR family. But we are the only ones standing up and saying, ENOUGH!

It is never too late for healing. But I have to be more intentional about praying for those who are wronging me. And I have to be more intentional about being STRONG. I can stand up under this attack, because Jesus withstood so much worse. I can kneel and pray, because Jesus knelt and prayed. What I cannot do is give in to fear. What I WILL remember is that Fear is the opposite of Faith and that is anathema to who I want to be.