Last week Zade came over for dinner. During that initial flurried rush of jumping dogs and interrupted hellos I noticed Garen and Z exchanging glances.
Finally Zade stopped everything to ask, "Mom. Are you okay? You seem to be having a hard time." Then he gave me a hug. That gave me a safe space to let him know I was feeling "very autistic-y". My word for when I'm on sensory overload and finding verbal communication particularly difficult.
With that acknowledgement from the Middle Miller - I knew I was SEEN. And I didn't have to be anything other than who I was.
I told him I didn't even know I was having a hard day until I got around other people. But I was having trouble gauging the cadence of conversation and found myself talking over Garen, Zade or Timos or even changing the subject abruptly, or not hearing when I was spoken to and seeming to ignore them. I had supreme difficulty coming up with words and had to talk in descriptions - "I had to wash the thing that keeps you warm in the big metal box that cleans things". And I could not even BEGIN to tell what was a joke or sarcasm. I had gone into extreme literal mode.
I don't get that way often. But knowing that Zade and Garen and even T saw me and gave me a place to be a little off, made me feel so loved and it made me so incredibly proud of them as human beings and it made me feel so lucky that I am surrounded by so much support and love. And above all I felt safe and okay and I was able to recalibrate naturally.
What an amazing response to someone on the Spectrum! Meeting me where I was at instead of being frustrated that I wasn't being neurotypical.
When I was faced with an awkward family situation a few days later, Zade and Timos both spoke to me quietly telling me to just hang on a moment and then I could let go. That helped me to keep quiet until I was in a safe space to decompress. And it didn't take long. I was able to take several deep breaths, tap with my fingers for a moment, and then move on with my day with my equilibrium restored.
All someone on the Spectrum needs is to be understood. Communication will look a little different. But that's okay. It's okay that neurotypical people learn to communicate with someone who is autistic. Because I GUARANTEE the person in your life who is on the Spectrum is doing everything they can to communicate with you! What a beautiful world if everyone just met each other halfway.
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