It took Garen and I a hot minute to fully realize that what we were facing was a prolonged and well planned assault from Hell. The battle we saw with our eyes wasn't even close to the enormity or the truth of the Spiritual Battle raging in the invisible all around us. It took us even longer to seek the right kind of help, to formulate the right kind of response, to remember to fight these types of battles on our knees.
Now that we have remembered ourselves, remembered who we are in Christ, remembered that this war has already been won - we can begin in earnest to protect our family. We can map out our Spiritual Response and most importantly bring it all to the foot of the Cross.
But we're not the only ones under attack. The one who has already been defeated is tearing through this world, destroying lives and souls and families in crazed desperation. And you and I have to be wiser to this than we have been. You and I have a sacred duty to protect ourselves and our families from the evil intention and attention of the enemy of our Lord. We have to study how to discern every Spirit that crosses our path. We have to pray daily for Divine Protection. We have to guard against those that have given permission (wittingly or unwittingly) to be used as a weapon against us and against our families.
Consolation and Desolation are actual, spiritual places and it is absolutely imperative that we learn which place we are tenanting. Once we can begin to discern if we are entertaining spirits that are leading us to Consolation or whether we are being manipulated and tricked by spirits leading us to Desolation - then the real work can begin.
In everything, we need to have Discernment. In every instance, we need to test the spirits. Just because something has a Christian label doesn't mean it is good and right. Just because something seems to be charitable doesn't mean it is for our benefit. And conversely, just because something seems to be a struggle doesn't mean it wasn't sent by God to spur us on to deeper love and higher understanding, because we really only grow through adversity.
To begin in a very simple way just ask yourself if you believe something to be from God or not. Let's take an example that happened to me just last night. I was ending a terribly contentious, "gotcha" kind of phone call, that I had received out of the blue with "I love you." The response I got was, "I wish I could love you, but I just can't." Now obviously this is an extreme and obvious example, but that's how our practice begins. So I asked myself if this interaction brought any peace, any life, any love, any Consolation. Did the interaction bring the HOPE of any of those things? It did not. So I asked myself if this interaction brought ugliness, chaos, distress, anger and a temptation to give in to any of those things. Indeed it did so I knew I was facing spirits of Desolation.
Desolation and the spirits that try to guide us there never, ever come from God. So I knew that the enemy of my soul was using this person and this situation to distract me from life, from good, from God. I was able to see this quite clearly and so I prayed for protection and for light and truth. I was able to sit down to dinner with a clear heart full of peace. I mean - it was a little bruised and my feelings were awfully hurt - but I was able to see the bigger picture and surrender it all to my Jesus.
A more subtle example from the same conversation took me a little longer to discern. I was told that several people from my church had contacted this family member on the other end of the line, to tell them about my (this) blog and to convey how disgusted they were with me.
This immediately pricked at my Pride. I was embarrassed and began to second guess my posts and my words. But before I got too carried away I began to analyze with a little more distance between myself and my pride.
First, there is no way to even know if this is true. And even if there was a way to ferret out the truth of it - I wouldn't. Nothing can be gained from trying to be "right" in such a worldly battle of pride.
Secondly, even if it is true there will always be people who are offended. I mean - people were so offended by Jesus that they crucified him. I know that some of my posts will be uncomfortable. There will always be those that don't want to hear - for whatever personal reason. But it isn't my job to reach those people. That might be best left for someone who offends them less. But also it's not my job to appease them by stopping. What could possibly be gained by shrouding my life in darkness because "people" contacted another person and they didn't like what they read. I hope they find a better blog to entertain and educate them. I doubt that would be too hard to find.
Thirdly, I am actually very, very proud of every post on my blog. Some are more polished than others. Some may seem more disjointed than the rest. But each one took courage. And I wouldn't take that courage away from myself for anything. It's hard to be open and honest about incredibly embarrassing things, but too much has been too hidden for too long and is now running amok and causing incredible damage and I'm done. And as I said (but it bears repeating) I'm proud of every vulnerable, awkward, uncomfortable post because it's the truth and this truth will set us free. Maybe not all of us at once. But hopefully eventually.
Fourthly - I did go back over my posts in an overabundance of caution and self reflection, because I do take what is said to me to heart and I do want to make sure that I'm not operating in that land of Desolation. Something Garen said to me resounded over and over in my head. "Victoria, no one is saying that you are WRONG. They are just mad that you wrote about it." That really struck me hard. As did the realization that at the end of the day my posts are about me. My struggles, my Catholic Journey, my autism. And I want people to have the option to try to understand someone they might not normally get to understand and I want people to learn something they might not have the opportunity to otherwise be exposed to.
Fifthly - my posts can be uncomfortable for some but that doesn't necessarily mean they are led by the spirits of Desolation. Discomfort can be a catalyst to incredible change if we allow. We are called to be resolute to decisions made in Consolation. Even the difficult-awkward-uncomfortable-can't-someone-else-do-it-Lord decisions. So my blog stands as is. Because not a single word was written in anger. Not a single word was written in opposition to God. Every word written was meant to combat the spirits of Desolation and I find myself very confident that I have done that.
I WAS tempted to hang on to the words from the phone call, to feed them so they grew and got so big that I couldn't put them down. But every battle won makes me stronger and I was able to literally put it all aside and walk away with a prayer on my lips.
It can be difficult to determine if you are in Consolation or Desolation. And there will be times when we will be in Desolation, as much as we try to avoid it. But begin by asking about every hurtful person or situation, "Does this bring (or have the potential to bring) peace? Does this point me (or have the potential to point me) to God? Does this help me (or have the potential to help me) to grow? Does this bring good (or have the potential to bring good) to the world? Or does this bring negativity with only ill effects? Does this bring chaos? Does this bring deception and manipulation into my life?" Basic, but a good place to start. And then study deeper into Consolation and Desolation. It's an incredibly effective tool in our Spiritual Arsenal.
Your own spirit within you will quickly learn to discern the situation with the help of the Holy Spirit. I pray so often, "Holy Spirit, come!" Small prayer but so effective!!!
As I said at the beginning, Garen and I find ourselves in a battle for the very soul of our family. But so are you. So are we all and this is not a time to be timid. Hopefully my blunderingly awkward boldness will help you to step out in Faith to face the enemy. I mean, if I can do it, and do it so spectacularly badly, what have you got to lose?
I am going to be writing fairly regularly about this Spiritual Warfare we find ourselves so actively engaged in. But for now take Isaiah 54:17 with you everywhere and at all times. I tell myself daily, (like last night when I saw the caller ID on my phone) "No weapon formed against me can prosper. All those who rise up against me will fall. I will in no way fear what the devil brings my way because I am a child of God." I physically say that out loud over and over during my day. It's a great reminder of God's promise. We may be in a battle, but we are not fighting alone.
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